


Keep You Safe

by Spooky66



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Episode: s11e05 Ghouli, F/M, Gen, Keep You Safe, William - Freeform, jj heller
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2018-02-09
Packaged: 2019-03-15 18:53:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13619547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spooky66/pseuds/Spooky66
Summary: Scully's goal has always been keeping her son safe.





	Keep You Safe

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song [Keep You Safe by JJ Heller](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okwDAnVAmZk)

All of my fear disappears and triples when I hear his first little cry. It’s so tiny and helpless. When Monica places him into my arms all of my worries about him being human and normal are gone. As soon as I look at him I know he is perfect.

He is mine. He is mine and Mulder’s. Something we made and I begin to cry. Monica looks on, concerned, and feels my forehead. The room is spinning but for William, my mooring in the storm. He is everything.

“You’re safe now, I’ll keep you safe.” I whisper to him and kiss his slimy forehead.

The three of us cuddle up on the bed together. I’m mildly worried about William, currently cradled by both of our arms, but Mulder promises he will put him back in his bassinet as soon as I fall asleep. The night is like a dream. Mulder’s arms are solid and strong around me and I watch as he speaks softly to our son and kisses his forehead. There is a moment where I remember how just a little while ago I thought this moment was impossible. I pull him away from his worshipful gazing to kiss him soundly and I nearly cry at the softness in his eyes.

Only a few minutes later my eyelids begin to fall and soon I am on my way to sleep, next to the two most important people.

As I fall asleep I hear him whisper to both of us, “I promise I’ll always keep you safe.”

“The social worker will be here in an hour.” Monica tells me in a soft voice.

I hold my son tightly to my chest and begin to sob. It was supposed to be different. I wonder if it would have been better if Mulder were here and for a moment I feel bitterness toward him but it passes quickly only to be replaced by longing. All I want is for him to be here with me. He would help me make this decision. The image of him hovering over our son keeps coming to mind and is followed by an avalanche of guilt.

When the social worker takes him from my hands he begins to cry and I nearly change my mind.

“Wait!” I say through sobs, “Just one more second!”

The woman nods in understanding and hands him back. I try to memorize his face while I baptize him with my tears. I tell him I love him over and over and over and I finally kiss his velvety cheek and look at him one last time.

“I’m going to keep you safe.” I say and finally hand him over.

The picture of the three of us is wrinkled and worn but I can still see the wonder of new parenthood on our young faces. We both are looking down at William with huge smiles. It’s the only photo of the three of us ever taken and I treasure it. Mulder and my mother have a copy; I’ve never seen his but I know my mothers is framed and on her mantle.

Idly I wonder how many teardrops have stained this photo and add another few to the collection. We were so happy and hopeful.

I hear Mulder rummaging around in the other room and close my eyes. We’ve not talked for three days and he’s drunk again. Silently I kiss the photo and get ready to finally leave. The boxes are in the car and everything else is settled.

Before putting it away I look at it one more time and trace his little baby face.

“I just want you to be safe.” I whisper and leave, suitcase in hand.

My baby, my boy, my William is dead. I’ve not run the DNA test yet but I know this is him. I knew the moment I saw and him, and the photos just confirmed it. Everything I read about him was so familiar and real. 

As I sit before him I let it all out in a flood of tears. I tell him how sorry I am and tell him why, although I’d lost track of the reason years ago. It all felt so real at the time but as I sit looking at him the reasons feel hollow. I want to hold him but I’m afraid of how cold and stiff his body will feel so I don’t move from my spot.

Instead, I just look at him and say, “I was just trying to keep you safe.”

I’m not sure what to say when the video finishes. Mulder’s hands keep me from falling over and I know that if I let go of his hand I’ll be letting go of my hold on reality. In a blur, he asks the person behind the counter for a copy of the tape and we leave.

At home I watch it over and over again, wishing the image were clearer so I could see his face. Over the next few months, I watch is less and less. We look for him even though he doesn’t want to be found. At the same time, we do whatever we can to cover his tracks and prevent the DOD from finding him.

When we finally find him again and he doesn’t disguise himself from us I hold him for several minutes. Mulder’s strong arms wrap around both of us and it feels like we are transported back to when he was just a newborn.

“You’re safe.” I whisper to him finally.


End file.
